Sunday, September 15, 2013

The Puke and Dash

It's been a busy week.  And I know people say that all the time..."We are so busy!"  But the past two weeks have really kicked our butts.  Eric has been putting in a lot of after-hours time at work dealing with phone issues (and other routine crap that comes up) and I started my first practicum three weeks ago.  Much more work than I had anticipated, which means during the school day I am dedicating a lot of hours to being inside classrooms working directly with students/teachers and come home at night to complete my assignments and do the work actually related to assistive technology.

It was such a crazy week that Eric and I got home from work Friday and decided to go out to dinner at a sit-down restaurant, because after all...we deserved it. We packed up Aubrey and headed to Logan's Roadhouse, somewhere we rarely go or even notice.  But, it seems kid friendly?  Loud?  Steak?  Sounds exactly like the dining experience we were searching for.

We had not been in the restaurant more than 2 minutes before it became clear to us that Aubrey was not in the mood to behave in a public place.  She was out of her chair, running around the room, walking up to strangers at their tables...so we did what any good parent would do.  Bribed her with the peanuts sitting at our table.  After she had successfully stuffed her mouth with peanuts, she was up and running around again.  When I tried to be firm and "make" her sit in her highchair she started to choke.  The kind of choking that quiets a room and involves a dad whacking the back of a 2 year old, while mom stands with her hands cupped in the readying position to catch the puke that is sure to follow when the airway opens again.  In front of a Logan's Roadhouse audience, these are exactly the events that took place.  Followed by Eric quickly yelling at a waitress, "I'm so sorry, we have to go now" (regardless of us already having ordered and having drinks in front of us) and whisking Aubrey out to the car...Mom quickly scanning the room trying to figure out where she would dump the pile of puke in her hands (peanut bucket seemed to do the trick) and then fleeing the scene as soon as she can but noticing as she picks up personal belongings on the table that the table of 8 sitting right next to her have all stopped talking and will not look up from their plates.

On the way home I chuckled and said, "Well, this is why I am glad we don't live in Culver.  We never had to go back to that restaurant again, nobody knew who we were so we don't have to feel shitty that we didn't even leave a tip for the food we didn't pay for and the puke we left on the table."  Until I looked down and noticed I had my name tag on the whole time.  Darla Ashton, Carmel Clay Schools, Assistive Technology Coordinator.  Ah, brilliant.

Poor Aubrey.  On the way home, she kept saying, "Peanut.  Hard...it hard."  So for those of you keeping score:
EPIC PARENTAL FAILS
1.  Thinking you can eat out on a crowded Friday night.
2.  Giving your 2 year old peanuts.
3.  Wearing your name tag in public with your child.
4.  Feeling the scene of a crime.
5.  Actually saying on the way home, "Well...I was kind of glad when she puked because it gave us an excuse to leave.  It was going so badly anyway."

And that was just during a 30 minute time span on a Friday night...

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